I’ve been busy the last two weeks. Annual developmental pediatrician appointment, get fit day at the Roc’s school, phone calls, and lots of driving up to PA for three straight days of evaluations. No time to reflect through writing. There is no shortage of stories to tell, my heart has both ached and soared, many times within the same day. Talking to the doctor about the Roc’s progress, watching her work with him, feeling so proud and worried in the same heartbeat. Attending school events and wondering why I go? Seeing the gains and the struggles, trying not to compare and failing, watching the children group up with their friends and seeing that the Roc has no one, only me and the teachers. Watching the Roc work so hard to keep it together when something didn’t go his way, and just feeling for him. Knowing that he works that hard all.the.time. Watching a little girl watching him struggle and seeing her whispering to her little friend, and knowing that that has only just begun. Walking away from the event and feeling mixture of emotion I have no words to explain. Trying to describe the feeling to both my Mom and GC, how it feels like something has wrapped it self around all my organs and is squeezing me. It’s not a sharp pain, it’s the pressure, sometimes I feel like I’m suffocating even though I can take a deep breath. Knowing that I will probably always hold part of myself so tightly because for me…this is the way it is now. Knowing that I feel only a portion of what it must feel like to be the Roc.
But it has not all been so grueling. Yesterday, after the three consecutive days of evaluations were completed I surprised the Roc by asking him if he would like to go to Longwood Gardens. He loves it there and it had been hard for me not to spill the beans earlier in the week, as it’s the best feeling to make him blissfully happy. On our drive I mentioned that instead of having a picnic like I originally suggested, we would be passing by the Thai food restaurant and we could stop for lunch there. After changing his mind back and forth between the two he decided to go to the restaurant. And so we did. Just the two of us. He behaved and even smiled for the waitress.
He kept asking me what the music was and I told him to ask the waitress, and he did, but she didn’t know saying she could speak the language but when they started singing she couldn’t keep up! After lunch we headed over to the gardens. And it was bliss. Perfect weather, only the retired and a few with very small children, wonderful for the Roc. For me, it’s about the flowers,
but it’s all about the fountains for him.
We found a dragon in a tree house,
and stopped to drink out of every water fountain we saw,
which makes the Roc oh so happy.
After a second visit to a waterfall,
and some more time gazing at the Italian water garden,
we headed into the conservatory where I bored the Roc by taking pictures of orchids
before letting him loose in the childrens garden.
It was the perfect way to wrap up our long three days and his smile says it all.
Now I need to go clean my house, my in-laws are coming this weekend! If the weather is nice the Roc and I are planning on taking Nonna to see Longwood Gardens, we know she’ll love it as much as we do.