Stay Positive

I try to stay positive and for the most part I consider myself a positive person.  But sometimes things just don’t work out that way for me.  I can be cruising along just fine and then something happens and I feel this cold, awful feeling crawl up my back and wrap around my chest.  I’ll feel like I’m choking.  Like I’m being slowly crushed.  It’s what depression feels like for me.  We pushed the Roc too far on Saturday and he had a meltdown in public.  It wasn’t pretty.  It’s no fun for him or for us and I’m still working on thickening up my skin.  And it depressed me.  It made me wonder what our future will be like, what his future will be like.  Luckily, I wasn’t alone and as we drove home and the tears fell my awesomely patient husband held my hand and said all the right things.  Thanks Babe.

Whew! Autism is HARD….

So, I was feeling pretty down and then the Roc gave me another reason to Stay Positive.  Progress.  We went to the playground on Sunday afternoon and he shocked me by following two little boys around the playground.  He has watched other children from afar but this was the first time he really got up close and I could tell he really wanted to interact with them… he just didn’t know HOW.  He had a running commentary on what they were doing “he’s going down the slide” “yea! good job”  “he’s going across the monkey bars” and when the little boys sat down to play with their cars the Roc sat down with them.  Eventually one of the little boys shared a toy car with the Roc.  I intervened and had him tell the boys his name and ask theirs and then he looked at me and said “want to do this alone” translation: “Mom your cramping my style!”  It was really cool to see him have such a desire to be around these kids.  It made my heart ache for so many reasons.


2 thoughts on “Stay Positive

  1. It is so awesome to see all the progress he has made and continues to make! You are certainly entitled to have bad days and not be super Mommy all the time. Sometimes you need to break down and let it out. You are doing a great job and it shows with every new milestone Rocco hits.

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