Blog Award

I was so surprised when I opened up my email this morning to find that Tanya from Teen Autism awarded me the Lemonade award!  I am honored!  I recently found Tanya’s blog, following her back through a comment left on another blog, and as soon as I started reading, I was hooked.  Her blog is one of the few that I had to go back and read the archives.  She is a fabulous writer, the single parent of two teenage boys, one with autism, and her words always resonate with me.

The Lemonade award is bestowed upon those who have gratitude and/or a great attitude and there are some rules attached.  The fine print of this award is as follows:

- Put the Lemonade logo on your blog or within your post.
- Nominate at least 10 blogs with great attitude or gratitude.
- Link the nominees within your post.
- Let the nominees know they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
- Share the love and link to the person from whom you received this award.

My nominees for this award are as follows:

What We Need

Diary of a Mom

Autism in A Word

Good Fountain

To Sleep or Not To Sleep

Pixie Mama

Mama on the Edge

Maternal Instincts

Hoping Not Coping

Embracing Spirit

I started blogging a year ago at the suggestion of my sister.  She told me over the phone that the stories I would tell her were funny and I should blog them.  Well, I don’t consider myself to be very funny, even though I can make my sister laugh, but I started the blog anyway.  I quickly realized that it was the perfect place to record the Roc’s progress and to let our far away family and friends know what was going on with him.  It also became a place for me to let out my fears and frustrations.  My own space.  To tell this from my point of view.  And then I started to read other autism mommy bloggers (Darcy at What We Need was my first).  I quickly became hooked on reading about the lives of other people with children on the spectrum.  I frequently nod and say “me too”  while I read, sometimes I cry for the pain of someone I’ve never met, sometimes I leak tears of joy because I really understand the significance of the little steps, and sometimes I laugh out loud (or snort as I tend to do when I read Mama On The Edge).  I feel like I know these women and their children, even though we’ve never met in real life, and it gives me the feeling that I’m not alone in all of this.

So here’s to the next 10 award winners!  Pass on the love ladies!

Kindergarten Open House

Kindergarten has been in session for a month and on Thursday night I went to the Roc’s Kindergarten open house.  I was a little apprehensive, like I always am to go to the school, but excited to see if I would get a chance to talk to the special ed teacher and see how he was really doing.  Lately it seems that he has been oscillating between having good days and bad because I would get a note in his communication book when he went to time-out for hitting as well as notes that said “GREAT day today!”  I’ve been worried because he has been reluctant to get on the bus in the mornings, which has led me to wonder what kind of shape he is in when he gets to school.  I also know that the day is long (6 hours) so he cannot possibly be in a bad mood the whole day even if he arrives in one.  So I was really looking forward to finding out more about his day.

Listening to the two teachers talk about the curriculum and how they teach it reminded me of why I was so happy this summer when I found out he was placed with them.  They were poised and confident, but more than that they were fun, upbeat, and passionate about teaching these children.  The most impressive part for me was when the special ed teacher explained the inclusion room and how it benefits everyone in the classroom and what she hopes they all take away from this experience – the children, teachers, and parents alike.  I sat back and looked around at all the parents with typical children hoping that they really understood the impact and how lucky their kids are, because I really do believe they are lucky.  Not only because they have this amazing duo of teachers but also because they have these special children in their lives to teach them about respect, acceptance, and sensitivity.  I know that the Roc is lucky that inclusion exists because he definitely models off these children and has learned many skills by watching and imitating them, and he wants to be with them.

The teachers stated during their presentation that they did not want to answer questions about individual children that night, but the special ed teacher pulled me aside as soon as they were done presenting to show me some of the tools they are using with the Roc.  She pulled out a little sheet that had a red frowny face and a green smiley face and told me that she uses that to reinforce his behavior and as a reminder.  All she has to do is show him this slip ask him if he wants her to circle the red frowny face and he says “no!”  and snaps back in line.  She even gave it to the reading specialist to hold over his head while she is working with him individually.  Another tool she has ready are some “I need a break” pictures that he can use if he gets overwhelmed.  He hasn’t had to use them yet.

By this time most of the parents had left the room and the general ed teacher and the para came over to join our conversation about the Roc.

We talked about his behavior and I was pleasantly surprised to find out that the hitting isn’t hitting, he’s tapping them and saying he is going to hit.  More often than not he is verbally warning them.  “I’m angry.  I want to smash the table” but doesn’t actually DO anything.  He isn’t having outbursts of yelling and screaming, in fact, he isn’t overly loud at all.  When another child bonked him on the head accidentally while they were playing he didn’t yell like they thought he would.  Instead he went to the teacher and said “That wasn’t nice.  I’m angry and I want to smash him”  which sounds bad but the fact that he went to the teacher and verbalized how he felt and didn’t scream or try to retaliate speaks volumes.  He is transitioning from the bus into school well – he comes right in and does the six step morning routine with minimal help!  He had a lot of issues with this in preschool.  Something else he had a big problem with in preschool was walking in line, he has a lot of anxiety about people being behind him and they had lots of trouble keeping him in line last year.  He is walking in line just fine in kindergarten!  Also, he is sitting in the crowded cafeteria and eating with his classmates!  I worried about him actually eating because of how overstimulating the cafeteria would be.  The para even said that she stopped hanging around the table as much because he is doing so well.  He still needs a little help but is surprising her in that situation.

And there’s the BIG one:  He.Is.Talking.To.His.Classmates…I was over the moon excited to hear about this.  I witnessed this with his friends and cousins last week and am so thrilled to find out it’s happening in the classroom too!  In fact, I think all those typical kids in the classroom has been the catalyst for this growth in conversational skills.  The teachers told me that he loves to play with blocks with the boys in the class and that is one of his preferred activities.  He is also finally using the playground and likes for the girls to chase him!  The special ed teacher even took a little video of him on the playground and showed it to me because she captured him being chased by a little girl and loving it, and then he let her go up the stairs first and said “these are my friends” when she went by.  So cute!

I was so thankful that they took the time to talk to me about the Roc.  The were so genuine when they told me they are really enjoying having him in the class, he makes them laugh everyday, they love hearing the new stuff that comes out of his mouth, and of course he has one of the best smiles around!

I left the building feeling so relieved.  Back in February/March I was so worried about whether I should send him on to kindergarten or have him repeat preschool again.  I had insomnia for weeks while I visited the two different types of kindergarten inclusion in our district and then thought and thought about it.  I talked to all of his doctors about preschool vs. kindergarten and no one could tell me what would be best – no one knew.  I had to decide.  Then we had the Delaware Autism Program evaluation in April/May and I was slightly relieved when they said he was too high functioning for their program.  They made that decision for me, but I was also worried that they made a mistake and that he might really need to be in that program, (and also really ticked that now he does not have the educational label of autism).  My mind was forever pinging back and forth between all the different possibilities and it was driving me nuts.  I have been really worried these last few weeks that the Roc was in the wrong place, that kindergarten was too much for him, too many kids, too much change, too long, etc.  Worried that I made the wrong decision.

I am not anymore.  He is doing well.  He is learning.  He is growing.  He is gaining independence.  His social skills are blossoming.  He is happy (most of the day!).

I made the right decision.  All those months I felt so sick with worry, all the gray hairs I sprouted, and I made the right decision.

For once I don’t feel guilty.

What an amazing feeling.

Friends + Cousins + Converstaions (Oh my!)

For the longest time when children would talk to the Roc he would just grin and repeat what they had said.  He was obviously happy they were talking with him and he wanted to interact, but he either couldn’t process what they were saying/asking, or he couldn’t come up with a reply/answer fast enough so he stalled for time by repeating them.  It never worked and usually these children would find someone else to play with before the Roc came up with some original speech.  It was heartbreaking to watch, but at the same time I have been so happy that he was finally craving that interaction because for a long time before that started he shunned being around children all together.  His gain of social skills has been slow, but steady, and now something new and exciting is happening with the Roc!

Last weekend he really wanted to jump in his bouncy house, but told me “It’s more fun with kids” so we invited the neighbor boys over to jump with him.  Usually when Luke (4.5) and Daniel (2.5) come over to jump all three of them get really silly, wild, and rough.  This time it was different.  I reminded the Roc to use his words instead of screaming if things got too rough.  As soon as the rough play started I heard the Roc say “Hey!  I’m going to count to 5!  1…2….3…5!  You just lost your privileges!  No rough housing in the bouncy house!  You go to time out.  You just have to bounce on the grass now!”

I was floored and called into the house for GC to get me a pen and my notebook – I just had to write all that down!  So many sentences, all original, standing up for himself, and the bossiness!  Inwardly I was cheering for him!  Go Roc!

Luke seemed surprised by all that the Roc said, his face lit up, and the two of them giggled and giggled about going to time-out and jumping on the grass, and then they started TALKING!!! Back and forth exchanges.  Asking and answering questions.  All original stuff from the Roc.  Conversation.  The Roc was conversing with a friend!  I was completely stunned and couldn’t stop grinning.

Then the Roc said “Let’s do our running stuff!”

and they started a game of running from the side of the house and throwing themselves up the slide into the bouncy house.

Then they sat and talked…(!!!)

I heard the Roc say things like “Are you listening to me?” when Luke would look away and “Wait!  I have to tell you something!” when Luke would get up and move away from him.  I couldn’t always hear what they were saying and I know that the Roc didn’t always understand Luke because he once asked him “Do you like the treats at school?” after Luke had just made a statement about something completely unrelated to school.  I was and still am totally floored that they were conversing!  It was very recently that the Roc began having more appropriate back and forth exchanges with GC and I, and I figured it would still be awhile before this started happening with children.  I guess I was wrong.

I got to witness these new conversational skills a few days later when my BIL and SIL stopped at our house to spend the night on Thursday before driving back down to South Carolina.  The Roc was sooooo excited for his cousins to come and I was a happy for him and a little worried.  He just adores his cousin Annabella and they used to play this little running game when we would visit them.  She has since outgrown that game but the Roc remembers doing this with her and so he always wants her to run with him, but she isn’t as interested anymore.  The last time we were down South he got really upset when she wouldn’t run with him and it was hard for me to explain to him that she didn’t want to do that anymore and no one could make her run, no matter how much he wanted her too!

I didn’t need to worry.  When I got home from his Kindergarten open house (I’ll post about that soon) that night everyone was already there and the Roc was just full of excitement to have his cousins in the house.  Everyone was just finishing up dinner when I came home and sat down to eat.  The Roc asked if he could go play and I suggested he go ask Bella if she wanted to see his room.  He ran off towards the living room and I heard his little voice “Do you want to come upstairs and see my room?” and her sweet little answer “Sure.”  I looked at my sister in-law and we smiled as the kids went up the stairs chattering to each other.  We could hear them talking and bumping around above us and it was then, while I was eating, when I realized that this was the very first time that the Roc was upstairs playing with another child and I didn’t have to be there.  I didn’t need to intervene.  I didn’t need to watch.  Break up fights because he grabbed something away from someone.  Stop him from screeching because he wanted to play chase and the other child did not.  I didn’t need to be there…

That was totally brand new for me.  I really, really, really liked that feeling.

We let the Roc stay up late that night so he could play with his cousins and he also got to see them for about an hour before he left for school the next morning.  I tried to get a few pictures of them playing but all I got was the back of their heads,

and this picture of the Roc with the little girl he adores, Annabella with her little brother (the Roc hugged her before he left for school and I wish I could have gotten a picture of it–it was so sweet!)

(I also got those too funny pics of the Roc wearing Annabella’s Hannah Montana wig I posted this weekend!  Just like with the Batman costume–he really enjoyed checking himself out in the mirror wearing that wig!)

I’m really loving these changes and leaps in progress the Roc has been making lately.  He still wants to play with me a lot but he is always asking if there are kids to play with.  He just told me this morning “I don’t want it to be just the Roc and Mommy” when we were talking about what we would play with when he gets home from school.  I can’t help but remember that at this time two years ago he was mostly using echoalia to communicate, was having lots of screaming fits, did not possess many play skills, and really wanted nothing to do with other children.  I was heartbroken to get the diagnosis.  Suddenly I couldn’t picture his future and heard many bleak statistics which for a time plunged me into deep despair.

Watching and listening to the Roc interact with the neighbor boys and his cousins has filled me with hope.  He has accomplished so much in two years.  I wonder what he will be like two years from now.

I’ll keep holding onto my hope.

If the Roc were a girl….

I guess he’d look like this:

I’m a bat

The Roc is eagerly anticipating Halloween.  I asked him what he wanted to be this year and he said Spiderman.  And while he is a very cute Spiderman,

I told him he should be something else because he was Spiderman 2 years in a row!  I asked if he would like to be a pirate and he paused before saying “No, some other man.  Like on my back pack.”  His back pack has super heroes on it so I listed them starting with Batman.

What do you think the Roc is going to be for Halloween?

You’re right!

Batman!

I picked up the costume this week and the Roc was very excited last night when I suggested he try it on.  He even allowed me to put the head piece and cape on!

He couldn’t stop running into my bathroom to check himself out in the mirror.

He even posed for a picture and smiled when I asked him to!

Then he wanted to go upstairs and play while wearing it.

I don’t think the Roc understands the super hero concept because he kept muttering to himself “I’m a bat.  I’m a bat.  I’m a bat.”

I couldn’t stop giggling about this.

On the fence

I imagine that I am perched on a wooden fence in the middle of a beautiful mountain meadow filled with colorful wildflowers.  The sun is shining, water gurgles over rocks nearby, puffy white clouds sift across a bright blue sky, and the sun warms my face.  But even though the scenery is lovely I do not fully enjoy it because my heart is heavy with indecision.

I don’t know which side to step off the fence.  Each side is a different life.  My mind swirls with the weight of this decision and I don’t know which direction to go…and so I sit.  I’ve been sitting on this proverbial fence for months now….

On one side is the life I lead now.  I am the mama to one child.  He is a gorgeous, spirited, amazing, and challenging child.  His existence has shaped the person I am now, pushes me to grow, and challenges me every day.  Together with GC we are a family of three.  Just the three of us.

On the other side of the fence is a life with GC, the Roc, and another baby.  Another baby.  Another child.  Another little human that would cause our little family of three to shift and expand into a family of four.  How different that would be.  A completely different life.  Four of us.

GC and I always knew we wanted children and we didn’t really see the need to wait a specific time frame before starting our family, nor had we completely decided on exactly how many children we would have.  I knew I at least wanted two, and he convinced me of the possibility of three.  When we tried for our first baby I got pregnant right away.  The Roc was born.  When the Roc was two years old I was ready to start thinking about adding to our little family.  We starting trying.  Months and months went by and I was disappointed again and again to find myself empty.

Then came Autism.  Our lives changed.  My focus shifted solely onto the child we do have and I shelved that idea of an addition to our little family.  I cried, I screamed out my grief, I poured over the internet, read books, took notes, made and waited various amounts of time for appointments with a neurologist, a developmental pediatrician, a psychologist, the evaluation team at the school, a DAN! doctor.  I wondered what happened to my beautiful baby and all my dreams, I thought I might go crazy, and I called my Mom every time I felt that I was coming unglued, surely shaving years off her life (thank you Mom).  I’ve lost mommy friends who didn’t understand, and gained a few that live a similar existence.  The Roc started special ed preschool, a special diet, therapeutic horseback riding, swimming lessons, and a social skills group.  I’ve attended IEP meetings, FBA meetings, watched the school psychologist chart my son’s IQ on a bell curve, and felt that my heart would explode with all the decisions to be made.  I’ve lived through meltdowns and horrid tantrums at home and in public, and learned to keep my eyes and focus on my son and to hell with the general public.  I’ve advocated and tried to raise awareness.  I’ve laid awake at night heart pounding and mind racing and I’ve had days that I wonder what I was getting so worked up about in the first place.  And on and on and on.  All of that is ongoing still.

When the Roc was three years old and we received the Autism diagnosis kindergarten seemed so far away.  Two years looked like a lifetime.  I had so much to do to get him ready.  I couldn’t think too far ahead.  I could only put one foot in front of the other while I gained the knowledge I have now and learned how to help the Roc.

Now the Roc is in kindergarten.  He is gone from 9 am to 3:30 pm.  Six and a half hours.  When I mention this to some of my mommy friends they say “Wow!  What I wouldn’t give to have just one day to myself!”  They have started to ask me “What are you going to do now? Are you going to get a job?  What do you DO with yourself all DAY?!”

Of course I have a list of projects I want to complete around the house, and I’m trying to use some of this time for creativity, but this wasn’t what I imagined when we started our family.  I assumed that when the Roc went to kindergarten I would have a toddler at home to deal with.  I always wanted more than one child.

And there it is.  The reason I’ve been sitting on that fence.

Should we give the Roc a sibling?

Sounds like an easy question to answer given that I’ve stated we always wanted more than one child.  But it is the what ifs that keep me perched on this fence of indecision.  What if autism happened again?  What would that do to our family?  What would that do to the Roc?  What would that do to my marriage?  What would that do to me?  How would we pay for it?  Can I even do this again?  What if it’s worse for the next child?  How would the Roc handle all that?  How would we DO it all?  Since there is no clear answer as to why it happened to the Roc, there is no clear answer to if it will happen again.  I just don’t know what to do with that knowledge, or lack thereof.

There is another side to the what ifs though.  The Roc and I were at the pool Labor Day weekend before it closed for the season and the Roc was quietly pouring water in the baby pool while I sat on a lounge chair scribbling in a notebook (jotting my scattered thoughts on this topic in fact) when another family entered the pool area.  Two young boys and little toddling baby girl, she was probably about 15 months old, got into the pool while their parents settled themselves in the sun.  The boys ignored the Roc who was still quietly and repetitively pouring water while the little girl beelined for him.  I cringed wondering if he was going to scream at her as she reached out her hand to touch the water he was pouring when he smiled at her.  He proceeded to pour water for her to put her hands in and when he squirted water out of his mouth she laughed and he did it again and again to keep her laughing at him.  He got out of the pool and she followed him to the fence and watched him pour water.  She followed him around and he totally enjoyed it.  I watched all this with a soft smile on my lips and felt a tug on my heart. 

What if?

What if that little girl was the Roc’s sister?  What would it be like for him to have someone to interact with, even though they would be so far apart in age?  What would it be like to expand our family?  For the Roc to have someone else in this world to love and who would love him?  Would he like to have a little brother or sister?  He says “yes” if you ask him.  What would it be like for me to have another baby that I dreamed about?  To have two children instead of one? What if the next child was typical and I got to see the other side of the coin?  What if?

I know that I am lucky.  The Roc is verbal and learning new things.  He is on his own slow and steady uphill climb.  He is beautiful, smiley, amazing, and changing right before my very eyes.  I am fiercely proud of all that he has accomplished so far and I refuse to put a cap on how far he can go.

Shouldn’t that be enough for me?  I wrestle with this as I watch my friends, sister, and sister-in-law through eyes green with envy.  I always wanted more than one child.  It’s the what ifs that keep me up at night sitting on this fence.

I just don’t know which way to go.

Happy Face

We were driving home from swimming lessons tonight and traffic was heavier than usual.  I am not used to rush hour traffic anymore, but this was MORE traffic than usual rush hour, lots more, and I was getting frustrated.  As the big SUV in front of me slammed on his (or her) brakes again I gripped the wheel, leaned my head back on the seat, and sighed.  From the back seat I heard:

“Don’t make that face Mommy.  That face makes me sad.  Keep your happy face on!”

Wise words from my 5 year old.

I’ll try.  I promise.

Little Conversations

The Roc has been surprising me lately with the stuff that comes out of his mouth.  His imagination is slowly, slowly, slowly emerging and sometimes he sounds just like a…a…kid.

Echoalic speech is still sometimes present but usually it’s used appropriately.  As in, he will repeat something, but in the right context.  For example, at the end of the preschool year his teacher just had to tell me about overhearing him conversing with another student at the sensory table.  The other child said something to which the Roc replied “that’s not funny, and I KNOW funny” and then they continued.  She said that she and the para were just giggling at this exchange.  What she didn’t know was that it is a line from Finding Nemo, the movie of that particular month!  Another example was when he told his Great Aunt Sandy in Colorado “that’s a good observation” when she was talking to him about the brownies they were making.  She was astounded by this little comment from him and I told her that I say that to him a lot, and she pointed out that he totally used it correctly even though he was repeating me.  This new version of echoalia is such a step above the past when he would burst into the bathroom and spew lines from the Little Einsteins cartoon before barreling away.  That used to be his way of conversing with me.  Not anymore.

Beyond the echoalia and scripted speech we are starting to have little conversations with the Roc.  This is HUGE.  I waited a long time to hear “Mommy” and it now seems to be his favorite word.  I waited for yes/no questions to be answered and cheered when he finally got it.  I patiently waited for the pronoun reversal to right itself, and now I cannot even remember when it happened, sometime in the last 6 months I’m sure.  Lately I’ve been itching to converse with the Roc, for him to say something other than yes, no, or good when I ask him a question, for him to talk to me, really talk to me.  And now it’s starting.  We are having little conversations and I am learning so much more about him as his ability to express himself grows.  I was thrilled with the following exchange last Friday as we sat at the table eating dinner, just the two of us.

me: “Tomorrow is the weekend Roc.”

the Roc:  “I already went to school today.”

me:  “Yup, no school tomorrow.  Tomorrow is Saturday.  The weekend.  No school on the weekends right buddy?”

the Roc:  “I did a picture that looks like a friend.”

me:  “Oh?  at school?”

the Roc totally looking me in the face and seeing my confusion:  “Mommy doesn’t understand what I am saying.”

me silently gasping at this announcement:  “I don’t.  Can you explain it again?”

the Roc: “Yes.  I did a picture that looks like a friend at school.”

me:  “Oh!  Did you draw or color a picture that looks like a friend at school?”

the Roc:  “Yes, and I was supposed to cut on the red line but I cut right through her.  I didn’t do a good job.  I knew better than that.”

me:  “Oops.”

the Roc:  “I just got two at once!  Look Mommy!” (two pastas on his fork at once.)

me:  “Very good.”

the Roc:  “I can try again next time I go to school.  I didn’t do a good job.”

me:  “That’s right, you can try again.  Your teacher says you’ve been doing good in school though!”

the Roc:  “I ate it all!!” (completely cleaned out his plate of pasta)

me:  “Do you want more?”

the Roc:  “Mrs. Mommy, can you get me more?”

me:  “Of course!” I got up to get him more pasta and he jumped around the kitchen describing what I was doing.

It was a simple, quick conversation and he was easily distracted but I was floored that he spontaneously offered up some information about his day – he wanted to share something with me, and that he read my facial expression/tone of voice to know that I didn’t know what he was talking about!  Lately I’ve watched him struggle with finding the words in his brain to describe what he is trying to tell me.  I can see the wheels turning in there and see the frustration this causes him.  It has made me realize that he has known and understood much more than I gave him credit for.

I’ve waited so long and I won’t take for granted the effort it took to get here or how many people I know who would give anything, anything to have a simple, quick conversation like I had with my son.

These are the things that keep me in check when I’m running out of patience.

Patience

This is the stuff that no one really understands.  The day to day.  The grind.  The SCREAMING (from him, though sometimes I’m ashamed to admit, I scream too).  The daily fights about food.  The wheeling and dealing to accomplish just about anything.  The screaming when the bus comes earlier than expected, or it’s raining, or a container is too hard to open.  The screaming.  The immediate frustration.  The bossiness that has emerged.  Where did that come from?  When is okay to order your mother to bring you a napkin because you drooled on yourself?  To demand that your TV show be paused?  To say you will “be nicer now” after screaming and being told to go to time out?  Another newly emerged:  blowing and thus spitting when angry.

That just happened and I did something I never do.  I made him go to his room.  I had to carry him there while he thrashed and screamed.  He is there now.  He is screaming.  He is throwing his books around the room and calling for me.  “Mommy, mommy, mommy!!  Get up here NOW!!!”

Deep breath.

The first week of kindergarten is done.  Whew.  Lots of changes.  A new bus stop, a new bus driver + aide, new route, new school, new classmates, new room, new teachers, new everything…  And even through all these changes good reports from the spec ed teacher in his communication book every day.  He is transitioning well, playing with classmates, being flexible, playing on the playground (weather permitting), and is listening and following directions.

I know he is adjusting.  I know all these changes are very hard for him and it sounds as if he is keeping it together at school only to fall apart at home.  And really I would rather have that.  I would rather he be able to control himself while at school.  I want him to learn, to make friends, to feel good while there.  I know all this but my patience is wearing thin because when he gets home from school he falls apart.

The boy has an angel face and can scream like a banshee.  He is now asking to “come out please?  I’m all done in here” so I’d better go and have one of our chats about being nice, using a nice voice and nice words.  It seems that we’ve had this same chat every afternoon this week and it hasn’t done any good.

Sigh.

Anyone know where I can purchase some more patience?  Mine expired.  Yesterday.

The first day of Kindergarten

The Roc was bouncing off the walls with anxiety and excitement this morning before we headed down to the bus stop on his first day of kindergarten.  We put his personal schedule together and he couldn’t get through the steps to get out the door fast enough!  He kept repeating what he saw in the classroom last Wednesday and telling me that kindergarten is “just for friends and teachers” which was my response to his repeatedly asking me last week if “if Mommy could go to kindergarten too?”  I tried to get the obligatory first day of school pictures in front of the front door but the Roc wasn’t having it.  I then had him stand by the tree and tried to snap a picture but he wouldn’t stop moving and all I got was the back of his head.  He just wanted to get to the bus stop.  He was all smiles after being introduced to his new bus driver, the bus aide, and donning his harness.  I tried to get a picture of him with that adorable grin but again, he wouldn’t stop moving and wouldn’t look at the camera!

To make up for my lack of first day of school pictures featuring the Roc, I took one of the bus driving away.  Oh well, it’s not like I don’t have gobs of photos of this kid!

I thought I would be sad to see him go away for the whole day but I’d already gotten a chance to experience that during summer school, so I was fine (aside from the worrying)!  I went for a run, did 3 loads of laundry, cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed, cleaned off my desk, organized my photos, (I’m prepping for some mini album creativity) and watched a movie.  Before I knew it, it was time to head to the bus stop, which turns out to be across the street so I sat on my front stoop and waited for the bus to appear.

The Roc was all smiles when I got on the bus to unzip him, and when I asked if he’d had fun during his first day of kindergarten he enthusiastically replied “YES!”  I was anxious to see if his teacher had written anything in his communication book and so I was excited to read this from her:

He did GREAT!!!!  No time out!  He listened to directions ALL DAY!!!  I am so impressed!  He loved reading “Chicka Chicka Boom Boom!”  He did very well at lunch & recess!!  Woo-hoo!!!! Have a great night!

Woo-hoo is right!  All day while I was doing stuff around the house I was wondering about him.  How was he doing?  Did he throw any tantrums?  Was he completely overwhelmed in the new building with new kids and new teachers?  Did he listen?  Or did he scream?  Did he do okay during lunch in the cafeteria?  Did he eat what I put in his lunch box or was he too overstimulated to eat?  Did he play on the playground?  Or were there “too many kids” as he would say and just sit on the sidelines?  Would he be a mess when he got home?  Would there be a terrible note in the communication book?

He was able to tell me “there were too many kids in the kitchen” and I am assuming he meant the play kitchen area in the classroom because that was one of the things he kept talking about this morning.  He also told me “some kids cried, but I didn’t” when I asked him about his classmates.  When I told him he would be going back tomorrow he said “yay!” so I am assuming he had fun.

I am relieved.  First day of kindergarten survived, by both of us.