My wish for me

The word balance was something I pondered all year long in 2013.  It was my word.  I kept reading it, seeing it, hearing it, thinking it, practicing it.  I thought about it in regards to most aspects of my life.  My time, how I spent it, what I focused on, what I gave priority to.  Time for me, the Roc, and GC.  Time for friends.  I paused many times this year to try to find the balance in my relationships, as well as my own emotions regarding those relationships.  My anger, my sadness, my grief, my frustration.  I let myself feel them all this year, and I tried hard not to get stuck in the rabbit hole for too long.  I thought about balance in terms of money, how I managed our family budget and also the Roc’s budget and services.   I thought about balance everyday with the Roc.  Being the mom and being the therapist.  Being a caretaker and being Kim.  How much to push, how much to play, how much to teach.  How much therapy is too much?  I thought about balancing my diet and how much I exercise, and how running keeps my mind more balanced.  I did a bit of yoga and found myself thinking a lot about balance as I literally balanced on one leg.

The word revealed itself to me over and over again, and I found myself whispering it over and over again throughout the year.

Balance is something I am going to keep being mindful of in 2014 because there are things in my life that are still unbalanced.

We are a work in progress.

When I think ahead to 2014 the words peace and let go keep showing themselves.  Keeping the peace, finding time to be still and content, finding some peace within myself for mistakes I’ve made, and especially being at peace with things I cannot change.  The last one is huge for me.  There is so much I cannot change.  Maybe it’s the holidays, the images I see online of my friends and how happy they all seem to be, and how our Christmas day was not picture perfect.  Maybe it’s the weather, being stuck inside that clogs my brain, stirs up the longings of my soul.  But lately I feel the differences of my little family are amplified in my mind.  Our differences have affected every aspect of my life, whether I work and contribute financially to this family, how I parent, who I know, how we spend our time and celebrate holidays, my friendships, and my relationships with family.  So much good has come from our differences.  I feel a strength and a depth I had never known, and I am richly blessed by the people in my life.

But I still need to let go.

Accept.

Find peace with the situations that are not as I had hoped or dreamed.  It is my biggest personal challenge right now.  The lesson I am working through.

So as I continue to balance, both arms stretched out, my hands in two worlds, I am going to work to find peace for myself in 2014.

And let go.

About these ads

4 thoughts on “My wish for me

  1. It is very hard for me to let go of the things I cannot change as well. And then I spend much of my time living in regret of things said or done, pushing too hard, not having enough fun. FUN is our family word for 2014. We are going to focus on fun, have fun and live in fun. It is so hard for my kiddo just to make it through the day at school. She needs some fun when she gets home with mom and dad. Instead of mom and dad always pushing academics and then quickly going to activities.

    My wish for you is PEACE in 2014! Live Well Kim. I think you already do. :-)

  2. Right there with you on this same journey. Letting go…pursuing balance by (paradoxically) not forcing it. Thanks for the reminder and your honesty about your journey.

  3. Ah, Balance. She’s a slipper little minx, isn’t she? Hoping you can find her hand hold onto her, even as you practice letting go. Love you, sister. Happy New Year.

  4. Kim,
    I so love your kindred spirit and our connection to having a word that shows up each year. It gives me such joy knowing I have a faraway pal that values the presence of a thread woven in their lives for the year. You are awesome.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s